What do you say after a MRI

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 “Thank you, thank you.  However, I must inform you that it is cancer.”

Best Psychiatrist in the World

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The generous cartoonist at joy-of-cartoon-pictures.com offers many cartoons for 
free on his site. The cartoons are great. Make sure to stop over for a visit. I also used 
one on my other blog artfulabilities.blogspot.com. I just posted it today 9/29/2012 in
 case you want to see it.

Colonoscopy Prep Time

Colonoscopy Prep is not fun from what I've heard (and soon will experience). This cartoon is one of Carla Barrett's fantastic cartoons. If you aren't familiar with her featheredfibers.wordpress.com make sure you do. Her cartoons are so much fun to see and she has been so generous in letting me use her cartoon.

Weighty Matters

So far, I've lost close to 100 lbs. I have no idea how. I'm doing what I've done for years. I'm not questioning it. I'm just praising God. Anyway... I know the feeling...

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There is another cartoon over at artfulabilities.blogspot.com. It was posted 9/17/2012.

Autoimmune or Chronic Disease Work-Out

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Google Symptoms For Diagnosis

Have you ever wondered if the doctor goes out of the room, type your symptoms into Google, and then comes up with a diagnosis? I'm sure those of us who have autoimmune diseases relate, at some level, with the woman in the picture. This is especially true for those of us with rare autoimmune diseases such as Mixed Connective Tissue Disease or Sjogren's, etc.

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I found the cartoon on blog about Fibromyaglia. I didn't stop to read it but it looked interesting. If someone with Fibromyaglia decides to check out the site, please let me know what you think of it.

Chronic Problems of the Heart

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I didn't take the time to read the article where I found this at but it looked good. The article is called Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Days at Work and What to Do About Them. I just wrote an article over on ArtfulAbilities.blogspot.com on how to take a break from a chronic illness (in particular Mixed Connective Tissue Disease and Migraine) but it pertains to any illness; it really wasn't specific to just those disease. You might want to check out one or both blog posts.

It was a long hard and frustrating week. I usually don't resort to Xanax for anxiety or for sleep; however, this week was different. It even had me questioning whether I should have dropped an antidepressant med (Yes, I did it with a doctor's permission). But this week was crazy making. In case you missed this on my blog that talks about my life, illnesses, creativity, and hopefully soon my service dog here is part of my latest post:

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What doesn't kill me...

I came across the quote, "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger" in college.
It was by Nietzsche.When I found this on a someone's blog I had to laugh.

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The Exploding Head Trick

What a typical migraine sufferer feels like:

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This is from a great site that sells humorous cards for those that are ill called http://sickhumor.com/. This is an example of one of their cards.

The Chronically Silly Olympic Games 2012

I found this over at the ChronicallySilly.com. They posted this back in 2010 so I made ever so  minor adaption for this blog. I hope you find it as funny as I do. 

2010 CHRONICLYsILLy OLYMPIC GAMES!

Good Morning!

I have been planning an event of epic 
proportions, that shall forever change 
the way the world perceives Chronic 
Illnesses...(Drumroll please)....it's the 
2012 CHRONICLYsILLy CHRONIC 
ILLNESS OLYMPIC GAMES (the

very first Olympics geared towards 
those of you that are Chronically Ill).

 Athletes are gathering from all stretches of the globe to team up

 and suit up for their cause. So I encourage you to come on down and

 join your team, the teams competing in this year's games include but

 are not limited to: Team Lupus, Team Sjogies, Team M.S, Team

 Fibromyalgia, Team Diabetes, Team Celiacs, and Team Rheumatoid

 Arthritis! ...

All teams uniforms/ 
warm-ups will be fully

equip with the latest
in sports technology,

and a variety of 
wonderful features,
including a pill pocket,
located on the inside

of the warm-up jacket
(for your convienence
throughout the games), 
and a hydration pump 
that runs from a small

pouch on the inside 
back of the warm-up 
jacket so that even the driest of mouths can stay 
hydrated (that's right all your Sjogies, and sufferers of dry mouth, this 
feature's for you!). Each uniform/warm-up will also include the awareness 
ribbon of their cause, and their team name located down the pant leg (as
well as your name/nickname embroidered under your awareness symbol 
over your heart!)

So now that your arriving at the 2012 
CHRONICLYsILLy Olympic Games in style,
I'll give you a brief tour of the Coliseum, 
where most of the events will be held 
(although there are a few others scattered
across the OlympicVillage). The 
CHRONICLYsILLy Castle-bounce Coliseum 
(Yes, for those of you that didn't put two 
and two together from the name" 
Castle-bounce Coliseum", or the picture,
it is, in fact,a Castle-bounce, and for any of you that know me, you 
know that I have an unhealthy obsession with them!) Unfortunately, 
for safety reasons,we could not get permission to light the Olympic 
torch inside the Coliseum (something about a fire hazzard... BLAH 
BLAH BLAH...) so we will kick off our 2012 CHRONICLYsILLy Olympic 
Games by cutting a ribbon that will allow us access into the Coliseum 
for the first time since it's construction/blowing up (a few hours prior to 
the start of the games!)... 

Now that we've kicked off the games, without further Adieu...I'd like to
proudly present you with the: Official 2012 CHRONICLYsILLy Olympic 
Games Events List:

Wrestling:

*Sjogie Island Sumo Wrestling (in what we will refer to as steroid suits! and 
for those of you unfamiliar with the sport, it originated in the driest part of 
the Sjogie Islands Sand dunes desert, thousands of years ago, and is an 
ancient practice that is highly respected among the Sjogies!) WOW! 
doesn't that look like fun!

Relays:

*Rheumatoid Arthritis Prescription filling races: (distances include)

*1 month Supply

* 3 month Supply

* Long Distance: 2 prescriptions by 3 month supply (for all you 
overachievers out there)

* 4 man Multiple Sclerosis Pill Popping Relay: (for those of you unfamiliar 
with this event, your team of four line up with their own designate

"d" pills, each team member that is first in the line, must take their pills as 
fast as they can, go get a fresh water glass, fill up, and bring it back to their 
teammate who is next in line, the first team to finish all of their pills, wins!)

*Lupie Laps:(4 man relay race, each member of the relay team must 
walk a lfull ap around the CHRONICLYsILLy Castle-Bounce Coliseum, 
when the return to the beginning of their lap, they high five their teammate 
who then does their lap, and so on and so forth, until all four team members 
have done their lap, the fast time wins!-and please, no running, yes it is a 
race, but we do not need any heroes tripping and breaking a hip because 
they have low bone density...)

Boxing:

*ROCKEM' SOCKEM' Celiac Boxing Tournament( did you really think we 
would havereal boxing at the CHRONIC IllNESS games, come on, we're 
here to have fun, getting socked in the face and knocked unconscious 
doesn't sound like much fun to me, and if my platelets happen to be low,
forget about it!)

Fencing:

* Fibromyalgia Fencing (no worries folks, we are using styrofoam swords, 
there will be no thin metal daggers being jabbed around at the 
CHRONICLYsILLy Olympic games...)

This concludes our events list for the first ever 2012 CHRONICLYsILLy 
Olympic Games. So gather your teams/friends and anyone else with a 
Chronic Illness, and come on down to sign up and partake in a piece of 
history (and don't worry, the games are held over the course of a single 
weekend, because lets be honest, how many Chronically Ill individuals 
have EXTRA sick days lying around... Besides, I don't think your boss 
would be too thrilled when your excuse for missing work was in the form 
of a note from the head of the CHRONICLYsILLy Olympic Board, excusing 
you from your job because you were partaking in Sjogie Island Sumo 
Wrestling and Rockem' Sockem' Celiac Boxing!) On that note, all of this 
planning and event coordinating has left me dragging, and I can almost 
see the bottom of my oversized coffee mug (I'm not kidding, it's a solid 20-
ounce coffee mug...) which to me, indicates only one thing, it is time for a 
refill...So I will leave all of you (civilians and CHRONICLYsILLy Olympic 
athletes) with our daily Jolt-of-Java:

Jolt-of-Java: "Risk more than others think is safe, Care more than others 
think is wise, Dream more than others think is practical, and expect more 
than others thin is possible...Be the change you want to see in the world..."
-Adapation from Claude T. Bissell

Oh My Aching Back

EH TU BRUTE- The Javelin throwing in the Olympics

http://www.asianwindow.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Sarnath-Olympics.jpg

Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut (true story)

I was working on the psychiatric unit at Community Hospital of Lancaster. It was time for the drug representative for Prozac (an antidepressant) to visit the unit. Drug representative visits were always fun for the nurses as they brought a pens, clocks, nick knacks, etc. This time the representative brought buttons for us all to wear which read: 

source

Clueless: The sales representative couldn't figure out why we didn't want to wear these on the psychiatric unit!

FYI- Cartoon posted over on http://artfulabilities.blogspot.com/

Moses Against Phelps at the Oympics

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Now with Moses you can't tell me with all the walking all over the desert his joints weren't killing him, right? Plus he was probably suffering from dehydration  and all those complaining Israelites would be enough to give him a pain in the neck and a migraine to boot. And to think he heard the voice of God, most would think he was mentally ill (Ok, he wasn't mentally ill. He did hear God's voice). Oh well, I have stretch this as much as I can to have this fit into the One Sick Chick mindset but I thought it was funny so it got posted.

Monday Moaning

Currently I have been losing weight effortlessly (thank you autoimmune disease- a bright side beacons). But for  years I felt like Charlene.

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Papa Roger a Poem

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This is as serious as I'll ever get here. I promise. It was the day of my appointment with my therapist. One of the things I was working on was arachnophobia. Wouldn't you know it, that morning I opened my front door and walked straight into a spiders web. I went wild. I scream. I shouted. I backed into my house (luckily no one else was home). I stripped off my clothes as I ran for the shower, a very hot, hot shower. After the shower and almost late for my appointment, I showed up at the therapists office shaking like a leaf.


Then my poor therapist had to calm me down. He made up a story on the spot of a Mama spider and her babies and a woman that walked into a web. He was trying to get me to view spiders as something neutral instead of something malevolent.  He want me to understand that was what men did with them that were evil. 


Getting over arachnophobia was a huge step in therapy in my treatment for Post Trauma Stress Disorder. The following poem came out of this bitter sweet memory. I originally wrote this article/poem for Helium under my pen name of Aristtia Yarns a while ago. I hope you enjoy the poem originally called Arachnophobia. Here I'm calling it:


Papa Roger and the Spider


Papa Roger, there's a spider in the hall.
Papa Roger, I am frightened and feel small.
Papa Roger, would you hear me if I call?                                                
Papa Roger, don't make me kill it, I'm not that tall.

It won't hurt you, you'd say to me.
"How the web sparkles, look and see."
Again, you'd tell me the fable of 'The Lady & the Spider at Her House',
how the spider dropped on her and her scream as if she'd seen a mouse.
Neither the lady nor the spider could get free;
both the lady and the spider wanted, just to be.

But sometimes a woman wanders into a web,
when this happens, life falls down upon her head.
It's not her fault when she falls prey, and left for dead;
The fault lies with the spinner of deceit instead. 

It is over, you'd gently call to me...
Come back; it is but memory... 
That was then and this is now.
There is no way for him to hurt you now.

You'd remind me that the spiders' of childhood have long since past.
You'd welcome the adult-child when she comes back a last. 

Multiple illnesses

Add  (Image courtesy bipolando.blogspot.com)   

True Story of Eye Exam

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I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.








Please remember to check out artfulabilities.blogspot.com



http://www.jokecenter.com/jokes/Medical/5403.htm
*Eye Chart is available for sale at Etsy

Pavlov and His Dog

source*

Ok, so I couldn't resist a Pavlov dog joke.

http://blog.lib.umn.edu/nich0185/myblog/writing-4/

Archnophobia

This one is especially fun for me. I have arachnophobia, BAD. There was a time not to long ago if I saw a spider, (regular style or even cartoon version), in a book, said book would fly out of my hand and across the room. So I can't believe I am putting this here. I've come a long way baby! Hey if you can't make fun of yourself, who can you make fun of.

I'm sorry I can't make this bigger on my computer with out distorting the image. I hope it turns out ok on yours. The owner of Savage Chicken has generously stated that I can use his comics on my blog. Thanks again to Doug Savage for being so generous. Please visit his website Savage Chicken.

True Story: Man Says to Therapist

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Patient to therapist, 

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"So bi-polar means 
there's a manic 
phase, right? 
If so, when's 
that gonna happen?
I need to get my 
kitchen floors done!

*From private source with permission. Thanks J.

*** new post up at artfulabilities.blogspot.com

Momma Never Said There'd Be Days Like Thes

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Please stop by my other blog artfulabilities.blogspot.com. This was previously posted over there. I placed it here in case you missed it.

The British Are Coming

I found this poster that is available for purchase at Zazzle: http://www.zazzle.com/story_art_the_british_are_coming_hilarious_poster-228774008804608527

I thought it was a riot. I think I might look great on my frig.

A Visit From The Migraine Fairy

Moma never told me there'd be days like these.

http://migraine-ista.blogspot.com/2010/05/living-with-migraine-fairy.html

Psychiatrist and Shakey

*Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I
get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. Then, when I get under the bed,
I think there’s somebody on top of it. Doc, you’ve gotta help me, I’m going
crazy!”
“Just put you in my hands for two years,” said the psychiatrist. “Come to me
three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“My fee is per visit.”
“That’s awfully expensive, Doc,” reckoned Shakey. “Let me sleep on it, and
I’ll get back to you.”
Six months later, the doctor and Shakey crossed paths. “Why didn’t you ever
come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist.
“For a visit? Heck, a bartender cured me for!”
“How do you figure?” asked the psychiatrist.
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed!”




8http://www.funnyjokeshub.com/48768/migraine-headaches-2/

Intro to One Sick Chick

I'm married and have 3 adult children (I'll add more pictures later), two dogs, and a cat. I have multiple chronic illnesses. And I routinely blog over at artfulabilities.blogspot.com. However, I wanted a spot where I could cut loose and put any medical and/or disease related cartoons and jokes,  Why? Because I have a tendency to take life to seriously and need to lighten up.  Just like MASH always makes me laugh; well, this is what I want this blog to be. I want it to provide, if not a laugh, at least a smirk. In that spirit, I will let you see my silly side by letting you see my family of choice, at a themed Renaissance Pirate party. Ah Hoy!