Monday Moaning

Currently I have been losing weight effortlessly (thank you autoimmune disease- a bright side beacons). But for  years I felt like Charlene.

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Papa Roger a Poem

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This is as serious as I'll ever get here. I promise. It was the day of my appointment with my therapist. One of the things I was working on was arachnophobia. Wouldn't you know it, that morning I opened my front door and walked straight into a spiders web. I went wild. I scream. I shouted. I backed into my house (luckily no one else was home). I stripped off my clothes as I ran for the shower, a very hot, hot shower. After the shower and almost late for my appointment, I showed up at the therapists office shaking like a leaf.


Then my poor therapist had to calm me down. He made up a story on the spot of a Mama spider and her babies and a woman that walked into a web. He was trying to get me to view spiders as something neutral instead of something malevolent.  He want me to understand that was what men did with them that were evil. 


Getting over arachnophobia was a huge step in therapy in my treatment for Post Trauma Stress Disorder. The following poem came out of this bitter sweet memory. I originally wrote this article/poem for Helium under my pen name of Aristtia Yarns a while ago. I hope you enjoy the poem originally called Arachnophobia. Here I'm calling it:


Papa Roger and the Spider


Papa Roger, there's a spider in the hall.
Papa Roger, I am frightened and feel small.
Papa Roger, would you hear me if I call?                                                
Papa Roger, don't make me kill it, I'm not that tall.

It won't hurt you, you'd say to me.
"How the web sparkles, look and see."
Again, you'd tell me the fable of 'The Lady & the Spider at Her House',
how the spider dropped on her and her scream as if she'd seen a mouse.
Neither the lady nor the spider could get free;
both the lady and the spider wanted, just to be.

But sometimes a woman wanders into a web,
when this happens, life falls down upon her head.
It's not her fault when she falls prey, and left for dead;
The fault lies with the spinner of deceit instead. 

It is over, you'd gently call to me...
Come back; it is but memory... 
That was then and this is now.
There is no way for him to hurt you now.

You'd remind me that the spiders' of childhood have long since past.
You'd welcome the adult-child when she comes back a last. 

Multiple illnesses

Add  (Image courtesy bipolando.blogspot.com)   

True Story of Eye Exam

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I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.








Please remember to check out artfulabilities.blogspot.com



http://www.jokecenter.com/jokes/Medical/5403.htm
*Eye Chart is available for sale at Etsy

Pavlov and His Dog

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Ok, so I couldn't resist a Pavlov dog joke.

http://blog.lib.umn.edu/nich0185/myblog/writing-4/

Archnophobia

This one is especially fun for me. I have arachnophobia, BAD. There was a time not to long ago if I saw a spider, (regular style or even cartoon version), in a book, said book would fly out of my hand and across the room. So I can't believe I am putting this here. I've come a long way baby! Hey if you can't make fun of yourself, who can you make fun of.

I'm sorry I can't make this bigger on my computer with out distorting the image. I hope it turns out ok on yours. The owner of Savage Chicken has generously stated that I can use his comics on my blog. Thanks again to Doug Savage for being so generous. Please visit his website Savage Chicken.

True Story: Man Says to Therapist

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Patient to therapist, 

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"So bi-polar means 
there's a manic 
phase, right? 
If so, when's 
that gonna happen?
I need to get my 
kitchen floors done!

*From private source with permission. Thanks J.

*** new post up at artfulabilities.blogspot.com

Momma Never Said There'd Be Days Like Thes

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Please stop by my other blog artfulabilities.blogspot.com. This was previously posted over there. I placed it here in case you missed it.

The British Are Coming

I found this poster that is available for purchase at Zazzle: http://www.zazzle.com/story_art_the_british_are_coming_hilarious_poster-228774008804608527

I thought it was a riot. I think I might look great on my frig.

A Visit From The Migraine Fairy

Moma never told me there'd be days like these.

http://migraine-ista.blogspot.com/2010/05/living-with-migraine-fairy.html

Psychiatrist and Shakey

*Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I
get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. Then, when I get under the bed,
I think there’s somebody on top of it. Doc, you’ve gotta help me, I’m going
crazy!”
“Just put you in my hands for two years,” said the psychiatrist. “Come to me
three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“My fee is per visit.”
“That’s awfully expensive, Doc,” reckoned Shakey. “Let me sleep on it, and
I’ll get back to you.”
Six months later, the doctor and Shakey crossed paths. “Why didn’t you ever
come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist.
“For a visit? Heck, a bartender cured me for!”
“How do you figure?” asked the psychiatrist.
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed!”




8http://www.funnyjokeshub.com/48768/migraine-headaches-2/

Intro to One Sick Chick

I'm married and have 3 adult children (I'll add more pictures later), two dogs, and a cat. I have multiple chronic illnesses. And I routinely blog over at artfulabilities.blogspot.com. However, I wanted a spot where I could cut loose and put any medical and/or disease related cartoons and jokes,  Why? Because I have a tendency to take life to seriously and need to lighten up.  Just like MASH always makes me laugh; well, this is what I want this blog to be. I want it to provide, if not a laugh, at least a smirk. In that spirit, I will let you see my silly side by letting you see my family of choice, at a themed Renaissance Pirate party. Ah Hoy!